potatowise asked: Hey Alice. Sorry I creepily found your tumblr...I just wanted to ask a couple questions. I read the thing about being a "good wife" so, why do you agree wit h that? I feel that it is demeaning to women and it shames what women's rights activists have been working for for years and years. I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm just genuinely curious. How do you feel about it?
Hey Watty!! It’s been a while.
It’s been so long that I’ve been on Tumblr that I was like what is she talking about? And then I realized that the reason I didn’t remember it was because I didn’t write it.
I’ll go through the points that this girl makes and tell you why I like them/what I think about them.
1. Pray with him
-This is something that’s extremely important for me, my husband needs to share my religious beliefs because those beliefs shape me in such a way and are such a big part of me that if he does not then I will not be able to share that entire side of me with him. I want to be able to be open with him about everything and have that deeper understanding and faith.
2. Keep him sexually satisfied at all times.
-This one sounds weird but I’m not saying that my husband will be like taking advantage of me at all times but I interpret this as saying that I see nothing wrong with sex at all. AT ALL. I just think it should be in the context of marriage, and I believe that in marriage, your body not only belongs to yourself but it belongs to your spouse and to God as well. So there will be times when I’m tired after work and he wants it and because I love him I will oblige and vice versa. But there will be a level of respect involved there.
3. Tell him “I love you” every day.
This for me is more of a—no matter how much I am pissed at you, even if we’ve been together for so long that it’s implied, etc., I will tell you “I love you” because those words have power and I don’t know what the next day is going to bring/if I’m even going to be around. You can’t predict a car crash or an illness. In the same way, I will tell my kids that every day.
I don’t expect to be chained to the stove (rice cooker, etc. lol) every day, but a big part of my family life was around the dinner table for me. And I was always so proud of my mom’s cooking. “My mom makes the best Korean food EVER” haha and I want to be able in some way to translate that to my family. My perfect guy cooks though.
Uhh this is just kind of me being OCD. Plus I don’t want to be a bad example for my kids.
I think what it comes down to is that:
I want to have the kind of love with my husband where we work through things together, want to make each other happy, and put our family first, and I also want to make sure that my house is one that is a primarily happy place for my kids to grow up in and also a safe place.
This is honestly shaped a lot from my own experiences in the home—I had a really good childhood and I also have been having a really tough time family-wise recently so those factors combined are making me really determined that if I do marry and I do have kids (both of which I want eventually) then I will do my best to be an awesome wife and mother. I don’t want my kids to go through what I am going through now.
However, I also want a career so I’m not sure how I’m going to balance those right now. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it. There’s a quote by Jackie Kennedy that’s something like, “If you mess up raising your kids, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much” which I semi agree with sentiment-wise and semi disagree with logically.
So that’s what I think. It’s long and detailed but I hope it answered your questions.
I’m curious about what you feel is demeaning to women, and also what the activists have been working towards because I only have a vague idea. Is it the idea of men being placed above women in the home/women being relegated to stereotypical cook/clean/take after the kids roles?
Miss you and hope you’re doing well:]